Tag Archives: twilight

A Simple Little Flow Chart

I was thinking a lot recently about cliches and how hard it is to avoid them.  Romantic cliches are particularly tricky.  In order to illustrate this, I decided to create a nice, little flow chart that explores some (but not all) of the common romantic plot lines that can be found in books and movies.

You’re gonna want to click on that image to make it bigger, obviously.  Don’t worry — it’ll open in a new tab.  You should also be able to click on it once it’s open in a new tab to zoom it in even more.  I think you’ll be happier with it then.  Have fun!

Boy-Meets-Girl-Flowchart

Please note the disclaimer in red in the lower left corner.  I just couldn’t cover everything.  This process was exhausting enough as it was.  Hell, the computerized version wasn’t even my first draft.  I did it all on paper first.

See?

I threw my ruler on there for a size reference.  I had no banana for scale.  (Very few people are going to get that reference, I fear)

I threw my ruler on there for a size reference. I had no banana for scale. (Very few people are going to get that reference, I fear)

But the reason I did this was to show you that avoiding cliches is hard, and you shouldn’t be expected to do it perfectly.  That’s why I talk about taking a cliche and making it your own.  At this point there aren’t many more options.  You’ll note I didn’t really have examples for the “They’re both gay” storyline.  That could use some exploring.  And, of course, my own novels — Hellbound, Grotesque, and The Dreamcatchers — can be found in there.  Because I am not above these cliches at all.  I just try to make them as fresh as possible.  You will also note that many titles appeared multiple times.  That just serves to further illustrate how complicated something as seemingly simple as a relationship between two people can get.  It might also help you to develop some ideas for your own characters and stories, I hope.  Try exploring multiple story arcs at once, or turning a cliche on its head.

Also I did not include the following story line for what I hope are obvious reasons.

Boy and Girl Meet —-> They do not develop a relationship —-> They never see each other again

In a story, if you bring up two people meeting, it has to be relevant somehow.  So….yeah.

I want to talk a little bit about the art of criticism next, so that’ll be coming up.

Ta ta for now!

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Short Update, Long Rant

I’ve got a good chunk of signatures going for all who are wondering.  I have not yet put them up in any type of display which is why I don’t have pictures.  But obviously this kind of thing is in the “more the merrier” type category.  Meaning write in!  Don’t know what I’m talking about?  Click here.  Do know what I’m talking about?  You can still write in to WriteRightWithBex@gmail.com.  I’m working on figuring out a way to incorporate an electronic signing system.  I think many people are wary of giving out their addresses despite my incredibly reassuring disclaimer.  Remember, I’m a twenty-something blogger who is interested only in signed business cards.  I’m not going to sell your information, and you’re not going to start getting daily newsletters in the mail from me about the newest sales at Macy’s.

Now that that’s out of the way, we are going to have a little (read: super long) post for those who have missed Ranty Bex.

So the story goes like this.  My fiance and I went to the movies to see the newest Woody Allen flick for lack of anything better to see.  It was alright…not that great.  As we walked out of the movie theater, I caught a glimpse of a poster.  I have Googled it for you (Incognito window…don’t want Google thinking I’m actually interested in this thing).  Here is a picture:

HNNGNGNG

Yup.  That’s what I saw.  And honestly it took me a second to figure out what it was, but something in my brain was desperately shying away from it even as I came to the inevitable, terrifying conclusion.

They made 50 Shades of Grey into a movie.

They actually did it.

Now…some may think they know why I have a problem with this, but I think some are only partly right.

I have written about this before, but I will reiterate: You can read and enjoy trashy novels.  I have.  I still do occasionally.  They’re fun.  This is not what bothers me.  See what bothers me is that 50 Shades was never a novel.  It. Was. A. FANFICTION!!!  For whatever reason, either because E. L. James found a spectacularly good lawyer or because Stephenie Meyer isn’t particularly litigious, a Twilight FanFiction got published and started making money.

THIS IS ILLEGAL!!

The only reason people get away with writing their own stories using other people’s characters, settings, worlds, etc. is that they do not make money from it.  Because when you do make money from it, that means you are making money from plagiarizing!  From stealing!  E. L. James is a thief and everyone is letting her get away with it.  Which brings me to point #2…

This was not a secret!!  Everybody knows this started as a Fan Fiction (No I don’t know why I’m capitalizing it.  Just looks better this way).  Even people who know nothing about this book know that it was a Fan Fic.  Seriously.  Despite E. L. James desperately sweeping the internet, trying to take it down.  Which screams guilt right there.  She or someone who works for her knows exactly what she did.  What she got away with.  With enough Googling you can still find the old story.  I’ve read some of it.  I have seen the exact same words that I first saw on the pages of 50 Shades on some website somewhere.  Only there was one difference.  The names Christian and Anastasia had mysteriously disappeared.  Now there was nothing but “Edward” and “Bella.”  Whoever they are.

Okay, so if you’ve read this far, you get my point.  But there is one more tiny thing I want to bring up.

It's-Porn

Yeah.  There’s no going around that.  This book started as a Fan Fiction written by a woman who wanted to see Edward and Bella get kinky.  And that’s exactly what happened.  Granted it’s a very poor representation of how BDSM actually works.  Can’t say that enough.  But it’s still just pages and pages of build up to, and then the enactment of, sex and kink.  It is a pornographic novel.  It was written to be pornographic.  And it should, as such, be rated NC-17 at the very least.  BUT!!

But….

IT’S COMING OUT ON VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!

They want people to take dates to see this movie!!

“Hey, honey, remember that book I couldn’t stop masturbating to?”

“Yeah…You called me Christian in bed for like a week…”

“Yeah!  They made a movie out of it!  Let’s go see it on Valentine’s Day!”

“……”

Seriously!!  Look at the poster!  This is what they want!

TL;DR:

50 Shades of Grey is a Fan Fiction that got published (illegal) and it’s now being made into a movie (even more illegal) which is (presumably) not a porno (not true to source material) and they want people to see it on Valentine’s Day!

So yeah…I’m royally pissed.  I’m trying to get my original work published, but I can’t.  Because we need to leave room on the shelf for 50 Shades of Grey.

Which leads me back to: Please join the Support Hellbound Initiative!  It is not the most original book in the world but I am 100% confident it is better than 50 Shades of Grey.

The End!

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Filed under Animation, books, Humor, Movies

How Aging Works

I’ve been thinking a lot about aging and immortality.  Mainly because Twilight has remained a part of my life in the best way possible – through the people who have been making fun of it.  For instance, there is a channel on YouTube that I highly recommend you check out.  It’s called CinemaSins, and they do a segment entitled Everything Wrong With_______.  In the EWW videos, they point out everything wrong with a movie (as if you couldn’t figure that out).  From consistency errors to poor writing to other stuff, all with a humorous overtone, so you know…you don’t get too offended if they say a movie you like has 73 sins.  And they just came out with a new video, which I watched yesterday.  I’ll embed it here for you:

So the first thing I noticed was that the narrator didn’t understand that Edward’s appearing to Bella in times of danger was not one of Edward’s many superpowers, but rather a new power of Bella’s – hallucinating her ex in times of danger.  This was hilarious to me.  Don’t know why.  Guess it’s just because nobody could really fathom the levels of crazy that book went to.  But what I really wanted to talk about was a thought inspired by 00:44 in the video.  “Wow.  Maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man,” says Bella.  To which the EWW narrator replies, “Ya think?!”

Now, I am guilty of this in my writing.  I even blogged about immortality before without bringing up this particular point, so I wanted to clear something up:  No matter how you spin it, an 109-year-old is an 109-year-old.  If your body stops aging at seventeen, your brain may stop developing in the traditional ways, but it will just find some non-traditional ways.  Eventually you’re going to stop acting like a teenager.  It’s just going to happen.  And I say I’m guilty of this because I am.  My character, Aiden, is three-hundred and um…seventy…sixty…….He’s um…

Hold on…

*looks back through own book*

Three-hundred and seventy-six!  There we go.  I forgot.

Anyway, the point is that he still acts like an eighteen-year-old and I want to be the first to say that that is bullshit, pardon my language.  It’s in my book because I wrote it at a time before I’d given this immortality stuff any proper thought, and after I’d given it proper thought it was too late to change the entire book.  Plus, I don’t know if I would have.  I think there’s a certain level of suspension of disbelief that contributes to the enjoyment of paranormal romance type novels, and I think that it is that suspended disbelief that allows us to buy that a 376-year-old could ever act like a teenager.  It’s something I rely on, in fact.  But at the same time I’m telling you it’s BS.  Because it is.  And I felt like being honest.  Speaking of honest, I’m sure I wanted to make a point somewhere in here, but I’ve honestly forgotten what it is.

Ummm…hey look at this stuff I made for my Etsy shop! [EDIT 1/12/15: My Etsy shop has been closed but I’m leaving these pictures up because I’m a showoff.]

Abstract 5

Fish4

Conch 1

Round Shell 2

Thanks for reading!

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