Monthly Archives: October 2013

The Hitman

Last night I couldn’t sleep.  I tossed and turned ’til about four or five in the morning.  It got to the point where I was so desperate to fall asleep that I tried to tell myself a story (in my head, not out loud).  At first I started, “Once upon a time there lived a princess…” but I didn’t like that, so I changed it.  And when I still couldn’t sleep, I drew pictures to illustrate it in my head.  The finished product is here for you today.  Can’t believe I remembered it!

[Begin Story]

Once upon a time there was a hitman.

Hitman 1

The Hitman was very sad because he lived in Solvang, California, and the general population of elderly people and tourists never needed anyone killed.

Hitman 2

Still, The Hitman did not lose hope that his business would one day take off.  He’d never actually killed a person before, but he was sure he could do it.

Meanwhile, to make ends meet, he got a job working the front desk at a local inn.

Hitman 3

But the phone never rang.

Hitman 4

He got so desperate that he tried posting flyers around town.

Hitman 5

But that didn’t work either.

Hitman 6

The Hitman began to give up hope that he would ever get a hit.  Then one day, his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hi, are you that guy who advertises as a hitman?” asked the man on the other end.

“Yes,” The Hitman said excitedly.  “Did you need someone killed?”

“I’ll say!  Someone keeps sneaking into my yard at night and vandalizing it.  I’d like to have him taken care of, if you know what I mean.”

“Absolutely,” said The Hitman.  “Have you ever seen the vandal before?”

“No, but he comes every night after we go to sleep.  You can sit on the porch and wait for him.  He’ll show.”

The Hitman excitedly took down the man’s address and phone number.  They discussed rates for a bit, and then they hung up.

That very night, The Hitman went to the man’s house, sat on the porch, and waited.

Hitman 6

Sure enough, around midnight, he heard a rustle in the bushes.  Feeling his heart beat faster, he stood up and quietly snuck up behind the source of the rustling.  Both the vandal and The Hitman were in for a surprise.

Hitman 7

The Hitman took one look at the pup and sighed.

Hitman 8

Hitman 9

After that night, The Ex-Hitman never regretted giving up on his dream.  He decided to throw all his efforts into the inn business, and soon he was able to start his own.

Hitman 10

His business was successful.  He was happy.  His customers were happy.  And Pup was happy.  It is safe to say that they lived happily ever after, even though The Ex-Hitman never got to kill anyone.

Hitman 11

THE END

So now you know why I haven’t posted anything new in weeks.  It took me so, so long to draw all this.  But I am ridiculously happy with the finished result despite the fact that this project was completely and utterly pointless.  I was even going to put a comic at the end, but honestly I can’t even think about drawing more right now.  You’ll get a comic next time.  Also, not that it matters, this post was written the day after I came up with the story, but it’s being published many days later, due to the aforementioned drawing time.  So it wasn’t really just last night that I came up with the idea, but the meaning doesn’t really change, so I guess this was a pointless tangent.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little story!  Bye for now!

Word of the Day: Caprice (n) – a sudden, unpredictable change, as of one’s mind or the weather.

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Filed under Humor, writing