The Silliest Rant Ever

Oh my God I’m posting again?  What?  But you barely had time to read/think about reading but then never really get around to reading my last post!  I know.  Sorry.  Here’s why:

1. I’m going to start a rumor that my best friend, Liz, (read two posts ago) is going to do a guest post on this very blog!  HOMG you guys!

(If I seem crazy or “silly” as the title of this post suggests, it is only because I am really tired but I’m at that point in being tired where you suddenly feel really wired.  Yes that rhymed.)

2. I have a sort of rant, but it’s more like a cautionary snail

about how technology could actually be screwing us over.  But instead of ranting at you guys, which would be really boring and preachy, I decided to do it in the most ridiculous way possible.  I might actually sacrifice the ability to make sense for the sheer purpose of keeping my readers entertained.  So I’m gonna just throw words at you and then some completely random pictures to break up the blocks of text.  Like this one:

So I just got done watching this movie called The Artist.  You might have heard of it.  It won the Academy Award for best picture or some shit.  But the only reason I watched it was because there was this cute little Jack Russel Terrier in it and next to Great Danes, those little fuzzballs are my favorite breed of dog.  So I watched the movie and for those who don’t know, it’s about a silent film star who gets shunted aside for the new TALKIES that everyone is…talking about.  Yeah, I just decided to go with it.  So anyway, the movie was good and I’d recommend it because that dog (his name is Uggie and he’s got a book coming out) is so cute!  And the other stuff as well.  PICTURE TIME

So I got to thinking about newer technology and how that screwed the main character, George, over.  (I really shouldn’t have split up “screwed over” but rewriting is for people who have slept recently!)  For the record, I don’t think it was wrong that people made “talking pictures,” but if you think about it, George was punished for sticking with something “old” that was working pretty well for him.  This demonstrates how fixated our culture (even in the late 1920s and early 1930s) is on the next bigger, better thing.  New toys!  Shiny new toys!  So no one gives a thought about the book stores that are closing because their shiny new Kindle is showing them shiny new words on a screen!  Remember Borders guys?  It was a bookstore once.  It’s gone now.  Gone.

So, yes, we are losing quite a bit to technology.  And this does affect me because everyone is like “Self publishing is the way to go” and “eBooks are going to replace printed books soon,” and I’m gonna dig my heels in for as long as I can.  Why?  Because first of all, Kindles are great.  I have one.  But they aren’t books.  When I’m reading, I often flip back and forth through the book, rereading something for clarification, skipping ahead to see how many pages are left in the chapter while still holding my place with my thumb.  You can’t do that with a Kindle.  At least you can’t yet, and I’m not entirely sure people should work on fixing that.  Plus, books have this wonderful smell.  I’m not kidding.  They smell great, and the feel of that tiny breeze that wafts across your face as you flip through them…that’s an experience that a computer can’t give you.

But there’s another reason why technology isn’t always better and that’s because it does things like put entire companies out of business.  (No I’m not sure that Borders went out of business because of eBooks, but those couldn’t have helped.)  I’m not convinced that enough jobs will be created in the New Technology Industry to balance out the ones that are lost in the Old Smelly Books Industry.  Publishing companies are turning more and more to ePublishing, turning down more and more query letters from hopeful authors because the competition is fierce, and the demand for new, published, printed books is lowering.  And it shouldn’t!  I’ve actually been saying this for years, but because I’m not famous, no one has actually heard me say it outside of my immediate family: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.  Just because you can make a bomb that wipes out entire continents doesn’t mean you should.  Just because you can replace all printed books with a tiny, glowing rectangle doesn’t mean you should.  People are so caught up in advancing technology that they don’t stop to think that maybe they’re forcing other people who work in other areas to take steps backward.  Suddenly people are running to catch up.  Meanwhile you’ve got automatic grocery store check out, ATMs, eBooks, robotic secretaries who say, “For English, please press one.”  We are long overdue for a picture.

In conclusion…I don’t know.  Think about the technology you’re using.  I’m not against it, mind.  I’ve got a smart phone just like eeeeverybody else, and I do like it, but…just…it’s not always the greatest thing.  And we’re so spoiled nowadays, people.  And we’re hypocrites, too.  Robots taking over the world.  It’s a cliche.  Yet we seem to be working as hard as we can to get there, all the while fearing the day that The Matrix or I, Robot becomes a reality.  All of this creating and no time to breathe.  Even God is said to have rested, right?

End rant.

Word of the Day: Soapbox (n) – an improvised platform, as one on a street, from which a speaker delivers an informal speech, an appeal, or political harangue.

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1 Comment

Filed under books, Humor, Language, Technology, writing

One response to “The Silliest Rant Ever

  1. I really, really want a robotic secretary. That vacuums.

    Love your rant and drawings. It’s a good thing you don’t have to shout it on the corner while shuffling poster boards to show your pictures, or I would have missed this!

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