I am not actually dead! I just went on a vacation of sorts and the place where I am staying does not have internet. I’ll be back in Los Angeles in a couple weeks, and then I’ll update more frequently…maybe.
So today’s post…
Have you ever been to the Romance section of a book store? I’m sure I’ve talked about this before, but I can never make fun of Romance novels enough, so I’m going to keep bringing up the subject every now and again. What I like to do is go into the Romance section, pick out a random book, and just read the back cover. That right there is comic gold. The best ones are the books that have the cliché titles with all the “romantic” buzzwords like Late Night Prom Marriage Sex or Midnight Kiss Love Farts.
And then the cover features some scantily clad man or woman or both, and the synopsis on the back goes something like:
Susie-May June Snooklebottom is an underpaid waitress struggling to jumpstart her career as a poet/interior decorator, and is definitely absolutely not looking for love right now because she has other things to focus on. Then one day an incredibly attractive, chiseled man with blonde hair and blue eyes and a yacht takes a break from whatever the hell it is he does to go into a random restaurant and fall in love with a random waitress. At first Susie-May June is reluctant to get to know said hot man, because she is a confident woman, but after she gets a look at the size of his…heart, she falls in love. But will Random Easily Avoidable Conflict prevent their beautiful true love from blossoming? No, probably not. Also there will be sex. Lots of it.
Yeah, I have fun with those. I also realize that there is never a shortage of them. And it clicked for me in a Barnes and Noble a day or so ago…I could become a published author in seconds. All I have to do is write the book that belongs to the above synopsis. That would take me all of three days probably, and since there are always middle-aged cat ladies looking to score with a good trashy novel, there’s no way I wouldn’t get published. That’s why I’ve decided to write that book. I’m not kidding. I’m totally going to do it. It’s not like it would take any time or effort. And if you’re real nice to me, I might just share some of it with you. Or not. We’ll see if I actually follow through with this promise.
Ok that’s all I have to say. Until next time, my love!
Word of the Day: Infatuation (n) – foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this.