Ad Tron 3000 is Regrettable

Hi.  So mainly I’m just writing today to play up my best friend’s new blog here on WordPress.  It’s called The World is Regrettable.  She has taken it upon herself to browse through thousands (or like, at least tens) of regrettable products and post them in her blog for your entertainment.  It’s just started up today, so please support her!  Here’s a link: http://theworldisregrettable.wordpress.com/

Now, you might have noticed that I said “mainly” up there.  That’s because I wanted to share something else.  I found a message in my spam folder today that I thought was worth sharing.  Normally I just skim and delete spam messages, but this one caught my attention for three reasons.  One is the horrendous word salad that makes it up:

“Fasting for Excess weight despite the fact that what they or tough luck on as a substitute incredibly calorie consumption nutritious mind-enhancing tools that allow them to consistently perform at their best and beyond. It is because persons deliver diversified a journey assist you to prevent gaining unnecessary weight.  [HERE THEY INSERTED A LINK TO PROBABLY A VIRUS] It could consider time for 1 possibilities it’s meals weight-loss for Medifast coupons, have seasoning* so it may be expelled. At this time physicians had been even encouraging Americans to gain it is best to a lot more aid aimed at like: quit smoking, support and firmly believe wish reply? The connection between Keith and Sue has much more removed you notion system” need to attainable to combine it up.”

Two: Why is there an asterisk next to “seasoning”?  What are they using to flavor my Medifast coupons??  Horse hair?  Cocaine??  I will never know because there is no other asterisk in the comment.  They’ve done something weird to the seasoning on my coupons and I’ll never know what!  Luckily “it may be expelled,” but I don’t know the proper ritual for banishing the demons that they’re using for “seasoning,” so I’m probably screwed.

Three: Who are Keith and Sue?  Who are they, damn it?  And why have they removed my notion system?  Did I need that system?

See, if this is someone who doesn’t know English trying to write an advertisement, then that’s not very funny.  So I decided to imagine an ad-generating robot with poor programming that is desperately trying to please its human creators.  Here is a picture, courtesy of MS Paint, because I don’t have my tablet with me right now.

That is all I have to say today.  You’re welcome.

Word of the Day: Notion System (noun probably?) – Surprisingly, and regrettably, Dictionary.com did not have a definition for this.

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Filed under Grammar, Humor, Language, Technology, writing

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