Oh yeah, and…

Jeez I’m posting a lot recently.  Don’t read too much into it (Ha! Reading pun) I’m not going to be able to keep this up.  I just keep forgetting stuff.  I have no idea how to organize this post, so I’m just going to list some stuff:

1 – I was thinking about how some people on this thing called YouTube make abridged versions of cartoon shows, and that got me to thinking that I should make abridged versions of books.  I don’t actually know if I’m ever going to do that, but it did lead me to draw this comic that is Twilight (all four books) abridged.  So I’ll share it with you:

2 – Now that I’ve done that, I have to explain a bit.  I always tried to avoid openly bashing Twilight because enough people already do that, and because there are still a lot of people out there who love it.  And God forbid someone insult something that they like.  It makes them go crazy.  So I figured if I posted this, I would have to offer some objective reasons why the series is really very poorly written [Edit 5/29/13: I am fully aware that the list below is not as objective as I would have liked.  I’m just really bad at keeping my opinion out of things.  Sorry about that.  I still feel the points are valid].  I would also like to point out that Stephenie Meyer wrote another book – The Host – that is incredibly good.  I don’t remember if I put that on the Books I Recommend page, but I’ll be sure to get it on the list after I’m done with this post.  So, why is Twilight bad?  I will list a few of the biggest reasons, though this is in no way a comprehensive list.

  • Bella Swan is a Mary Sue.  I’ve talked about the Mary Sue before, and when I thought about my definition, I honestly just tried to describe Bella.  And here’s why: No fewer than three boys compete for her affections.  All three of them even ask Bella to a dance that is supposed to be a girls-ask-guys thing.  Then there is the vampire boy who decides he loves her because he can’t read her thoughts, which leads me to…
  • Edward is a controlling, manipulative boyfriend who is also a stalker.  Yes, it’s been said before, and I’ll say it again.  He sneaks into her room to watch her sleep.  He’s done it for months before they even started going out…or mooning at each other, or whatever it is they do.  Then there is the fact that, as I recall, Edward does things like break Bella’s car so she can’t go visit her werewolf friend, Jacob.  That’s actually not okay.  Then there’s the whole second book where he decides that she’s not safe being involved with him so, having decided what’s best for her (again), he breaks up with her, removes every last trace of himself from her life, and uproots his family, moving them far, far away.  Which brings us back to…
  • Bella’s symptoms after losing Edward are not unlike PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  She stops connecting with her family and friends, moves through life like a zombie, and has night terrors.  For months.  And then, diverging from the PTSD thing a little, she realizes that she hallucinates her boyfriend if she does dangerous stuff.  So what does she do?  Well, desperate to see Edward again, she proceeds to approach a group of people who might be rapists, go on a joyride with one of these would-be rapists (That’s not a euphemism.  They just ride a motorcycle), manipulate Jacob into helping her build her own motorcycle just so she can ride that and nearly die on it, and jump off a cliff.  This, again, is not okay.  What it’s supposed to be: A sign of her true love.  What it actually is: Crazy.  What message it sends: Girls, especially the young, impressionable ones, please remember that your boyfriend is the only thing worth living for.  K thnx.
  • She uses “chagrin” too much.  Not Bella.  Stephenie Meyer.  It’s like…it must have been on her Word-of-the-Day calendar when she started writing the book or something, because she really does use it way too much.
  • I could go on forever.  I think Cracked sums it up really well, so if you need more, go ahead and read this: http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/  I agree with everything they say.  Also it’s hilarious.  Okay, not to confuse you, but we’re going to go back to that numbered list now.  Remember how we started with that?

3 – I realized that I talk a lot about my own writing in this blog without ever sharing any of it.  I feel like that isn’t good, because how do you know my writing isn’t crap?  I mean, I feel like my advice is still sound, but you could be reading advice from a hypocrite!  Like, I could be a terrible writer who is writing about how much she hates terrible writing!  And that just won’t do.  So I suppose I’ll have to start posting writing samples.  I won’t do it today since this post is already really long, but I will do it eventually.  That way you can see (I hope) that my writing isn’t crap.

4 – The End!

Word of the Day: Anoesis (n) – a state of mind consisting of pure sensation or emotion without cognitive content.

Huh, that Word of the Day is more relevant than I thought.  Also, I want to do this one:

Word of the Day Part II: Chagrin (n) – a feeling of vexation, marked by disappointment or humiliation.

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2 Comments

Filed under books, writing

2 responses to “Oh yeah, and…

  1. No, no, no. It’s perfectly fine (and expected) for u to bash Twilight 🙂

  2. I liked the Twilight series because I liked the ideas behind them. I reread them and have since had to put them away because if I read them again, I will come to hate them. The writing is truly terrible. But The Host really is great.

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